Glambition: 2013

SO! I woke up one morning and I decided that I wanted to do something for a special lady out there.

I want to do something for someone who is in Matric and would LOVE to go to her Matric Dance but cannot afford to because of financial constraints. I really do not have a specific reason as to why I am doing this, I just want to make someone smile and make her year. That is all I really want to do.

So the lucky lady I am going to choose is going to get the following...

She will be designed a very gorgeous dress by a friend of mine named Siwa....she is a fashion designer and is extremely good at what she does.

I always do my nails and eyelashes at a nail studio called “Perfect 10”,I do my hair at a salon named ‘Le Looks ”and I also get my facials and waxing done at the “Renaissance Day Spa”....so the lucky winner will get all those wonderful treatments too. Awesome neh?

So if you know of anyone who deserves this or if you are reading this and think you deserve it, please do email me and let me know why do you want to go to your matric dance and why does it mean the world to you. and tell me all your dreams and ambitions girl! And who knows, I could be helping YOU say goodbye to your high school years in style.

This is applicable to people who are going to have Matric Dances in October,November or December.

Email me on: buhlemoletsane032@gmail.com

Love and Lipgloss

xxx

About 2 months ago, I experienced something so tragic. I had broken up with a person I used to date for over a year. I am not going to say why because I am not here to make him look like the “bad guy”, those are not my intentions. And since that break up, I have got so many questions, and I have realised from my experience that ultimately...How people decide to treat you is a reflection of who they are, because we all have a choice to make. And after realising that, I stopped looking at the “abuse” whether it is emotional or physical because often we take that and ask ourselves what is it that I might have done to deserve such and such, what is it that I have done to be treated in the manner that I was treated.

And it hurts when someone that you loved and gave the best of yourself to hurt you. And for them it looks like they do not recognise or cannot grasp the magnitude of the damage that they have caused by their actions that they took in your life. Yes sometimes it is hard to move on and pick yourself up and pretend like this person never existed in your life. So I am not going to force myself to pretend, I can’t pretend I am not hurting, I cannot pretend like I am not disappointed because it only perpetuates the cycle of hurt. I do not want to find myself 2 years down the line...I am crying, weeping and wailing over something I did not deal with all because I was too ashamed. Not going to pretend he never existed, but at the pace that I am going at, I am trying to move on outside of what he does and what he says, and what he doesn’t say. Ultimately, only God can vindicate us. He knows what he did, so I am not going to feel the need to defend myself and want to prove myself. Those that know the truth know the truth and those that don’t don’t. And I am not going to feel like whatever I did was self inflicted.

I think it is going to take me a while to get to a point where I will be finally okay with the fact that this particular person decided to “move on”, because, It has been a while now and I do not understand how can that person “move on” and never looked back and never thought for a minute I deserved an apology. Not a text message, not a phone call...for him to look me in the eye and say “Buhle I am sorry, I should not have done A,B and C”. Even if we did not get back together, but for him to look at me and do something honourable like saying “I’m sorry”.

It is also going to take me a while to answer the questions that I have because, I do not have the platform to ask these questions, I do not have the platform to engage about what had happened and what had transpired in that relationship and what led to the break up, and it is extremely hard to go through. It is hard to have questions and no one to ask, because the person you need to be asking looks like they couldn’t be bothered.

I can safely say now that I am starting to go through the process of asking and healing, because I have stopped trying. I stopped trying to look like I was okay.

Sometimes as a person you try so hard to not look like you’re hurting, to look like you’re okay to look like you’re not disappointed.. And the sad part about all of this is that you can only control what you can control. Regardless of how well I treat myself, regardless of how I am good to myself, Regardless of how hard i tried to make the right decisions? People will still have to choose how they treat me. Even when you are good to yourself, people won’t be good to you. People won’t treat you the way you need to be treated.. And one of the things that people know how to do very well is forget, amnesia comes very easy for a lot of people. People can forget and they can move on like it aint no thing. Like you didn’t invest in them, like you didn’t make sacrifices for them, like you didn’t give to them when it hurt to give. And it is hard to watch that particular person forget, because that person was once close to you and everything that happens is just close range.

But I am allowing myself to let go of all of this, whether the truth is told or not. I am now focusing on learning from the bad, learning from the good, learning from the experience and I am going to mourn it and feel it, I will cry if I need to, to get to a point where I know that my healing was not forced, and not out of pretence.

It is about me, other people do not matter, their opinions do not matter, they will make feel okay for a certain period of time and then fade away. Not trying to put up a show for anyone, making people believes that I am where I am not.

To conclude...The thing about life is that, whether you are ready to confront certain things or not, they WILL confront you. They will stare you in the face and you will have to sort it out. We all have our journeys in life and we all have to walk out our journeys and sometimes we are other people’s greatest lesson.

At the end of the day, I know what transpired the whole thing and I know where the cracks come from.

Love and Lipgloss

xxx

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